My First Alpaca Encounter

So I have been seeing a lot of these alpaca farms popping up in the country and being the virile man that I am, I like steak. The bigger the steak the better. So I recently bought, butchered and grilled my own alpaca.

Quite honestly, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Once you get through all that fur, the meat is kind of dry and stringy. I will say I was very happy that I had some A-1 sauce in the glove compartment of my Land Cruiser (I keep it there with my Josh Grobin CD). So alpaca lovers, please tell me what I did wrong. Should I try frying it next time?

A Fraternal Order of Athletes

A lot of people think that there is some sort of athlete fraternity house, a Playboy mansion filled with 1/2 naked jocks playing volleyball and frolicking in the grotto. I hate to say it, but such a place doesn't exist. But I think I may have found the next best thing.

Now that my income is half of what it used to be I have been doing a lot more card show appearances. Last week I worked the New York Area Card Show with former Giants Joe Morris, Jeff Rutledge, and Elvis Patterson and former Jets Al Toon, Richard Todd, and Dave Jennings. Let me tell you, we had a great time and the trash talking was really flying.

Afterwards we decided to play a pick up game of two hand touch to settle the score. They were pants, we were shirts. Of course the Giants prevailed and later that evening Dr. Richard Todd offered to give me a free prostate exam and prostate massage. I didn't know Richard Todd was a Dr., more importantly, I never enjoyed a medical procedure that much! I can't wait until the next card show!

No Comment

At this time I have no comment on the article printed in the New York Post. At this time I intend to relax and watch my favorite movie and enjoy my emancipation.
MS

Gay Love

I have a policy of not talking about my teammates and what they do in their free time, but I will never understand the relationship that Kurt and Brenda Warner have. Brenda is such a strong virile man. Kurt, well... the O-line used to say that stock boy would take too much time in the pocket because he liked the contact.

Game Update: Umenyiora Injury

There's just about three minutes left in the 3rd quarter. Osi Umenyiora just broke through the Eagle's offensive line, hit Jeff Garcia and immediately fell to the ground. I can't tell from here, but I think he contracted AIDS. More to come later.

A Blast From the Past

Since everyone knows that straight guys don't hang around with gay guys, I invited my old friend and former ex-Giant great, Phil McConkey by to drop some serious queer science on you.

Hi everyone! Phil McConkey here. You may best remember me standing on the Giant's bench and waving a towel rooting the team on the field on to victory. That's right, waving a towel. Straight guys waive a towel. Gay guys drop their towels. As a female loving man, I can attest to the fact that Michael Strahan is 100% not homosexual. While I have not been in a locker room or hot tub with him, I would welcome the opportunity.
Cheers, Phil.

Three Straight Men

Can you find three guys straighter then us? Tom Arnold? Come on, you can't see him playing hide the pickle with Doogie Hoswer, can you? I can't. And how about my friend in the jersey? Gay guys don't wear team jerseys. It's a fact. Look it up. You never see the guys from Straight Eye shopping for a cute Buffalo Saber's jersey. It just doesn't happen. Once again, Michael Straightman 1, Fudge Packing Sissy Boys, 0.

New Year, a New Feature

Happy New Year to you all and thanks for stopping by. This year I am introducing Stradar. While we are still in the beta version, I wanted to roll this out as soon as possible. I believe that one of the most convincing ways for me to show you exactly how not gay I am is via Stradar. From time to time, I will input data on a prominent person and Stradar will plot their sexual tendencies on the graph above. Today we are viewing Stradar's report on Terrell Owens. All I had to do was type in a few attributes: likes spandex clothing, narcissistic, drama queen, well fit, well groomed and pow -- he is Jim J. Bullock's best friend! T.O. Gay, Big Baby, not gay!