I am so fucking cool

One of the best things about being famous is that you have connections and while I don't have my own Fathead yet, I do have the ability to request custom Fatheads. Now, I gather there are some approvals the company has to get in order to produce them, but with the exception of the Oklahoma Fathead I requested last year, Strahan gets what Strahan wants. Now tell me, what kinda fag wants a Fathead on his wall? No fag that I have ever met! I can't wait to get my Mermania Fathead up on the wall!

See I told you Paul Stanley was straight!

In this clip you will see a bare-chested, manly Paul threatening to shove a laster pointer up the ass of one of his fans. A gay guy would never do that! A gay guy would by him a glass of wine, maybe rub his back and then ask if he can shove it up his ass. See the difference? I thought you would.

Straight Talk With Strahan

I've been doing some pretty gay ads lately, but damn, this ad is even gayer than Brady Quinn. They even drew veins on the wiener with mustard. What's Carson thinking? I can tell you the next time I go to get him in the sack and pull him to the ground and we begin to wrestle and sweat on each other, I am going to blow him a kiss and ask him if he swallowed it whole.

The after career

Ladies, start your engines.

What you see before you is a picture of me, Michael STRAIGHTman rocking the runway. Is there any question that what you see is 100% man?

Lesser men would have required a heavy oil or been two afraid to wear a loin cloth. Not me. Light oil and commando. That's right, I wasn't responsible if someone got poked in the eye or received a concussion.

Real men model. Posers and haters shop at Neiman Marcus. Now excuse me while I hit the catwalk.

A Statement From Michael STRAIGHTman

Larry Craig (second from left)? GAY!

That is all.

Where is Stradar?

I have been receiving a lot of email lately asking when Stradar will be brought back. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working correctly. Every time I plug in Paul Stanley of KISS, it keeps reporting that he is gayer than Charles Nelson Riley. As soon as I get this corrected, Stradar will be back.

Aske Me a Question

From time to time I will open the floor up to questions from my readers. This week I have time for two questions.



Q. Now that you are single and doing your own laundry, Bounce or Snuggle?

A. Are you kidding me? No self respecting man wants that sperm burping bear near his undies. How can I put a pounding on a man knowing that Snuggle Bear is caressing my pink tingly parts? I can't.



Q. What do you do with your free time.
A. I definitely do not have anything to do with HUNKAMANIA. I do not know anyone named Dangerous Dan and I have never filled the trunk of my Escalade with singles and driven to his home...if that is what you are after. Nor do I know his whereabouts.

My First Alpaca Encounter

So I have been seeing a lot of these alpaca farms popping up in the country and being the virile man that I am, I like steak. The bigger the steak the better. So I recently bought, butchered and grilled my own alpaca.

Quite honestly, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Once you get through all that fur, the meat is kind of dry and stringy. I will say I was very happy that I had some A-1 sauce in the glove compartment of my Land Cruiser (I keep it there with my Josh Grobin CD). So alpaca lovers, please tell me what I did wrong. Should I try frying it next time?

A Fraternal Order of Athletes

A lot of people think that there is some sort of athlete fraternity house, a Playboy mansion filled with 1/2 naked jocks playing volleyball and frolicking in the grotto. I hate to say it, but such a place doesn't exist. But I think I may have found the next best thing.

Now that my income is half of what it used to be I have been doing a lot more card show appearances. Last week I worked the New York Area Card Show with former Giants Joe Morris, Jeff Rutledge, and Elvis Patterson and former Jets Al Toon, Richard Todd, and Dave Jennings. Let me tell you, we had a great time and the trash talking was really flying.

Afterwards we decided to play a pick up game of two hand touch to settle the score. They were pants, we were shirts. Of course the Giants prevailed and later that evening Dr. Richard Todd offered to give me a free prostate exam and prostate massage. I didn't know Richard Todd was a Dr., more importantly, I never enjoyed a medical procedure that much! I can't wait until the next card show!

No Comment

At this time I have no comment on the article printed in the New York Post. At this time I intend to relax and watch my favorite movie and enjoy my emancipation.
MS

Gay Love

I have a policy of not talking about my teammates and what they do in their free time, but I will never understand the relationship that Kurt and Brenda Warner have. Brenda is such a strong virile man. Kurt, well... the O-line used to say that stock boy would take too much time in the pocket because he liked the contact.

Game Update: Umenyiora Injury

There's just about three minutes left in the 3rd quarter. Osi Umenyiora just broke through the Eagle's offensive line, hit Jeff Garcia and immediately fell to the ground. I can't tell from here, but I think he contracted AIDS. More to come later.

A Blast From the Past

Since everyone knows that straight guys don't hang around with gay guys, I invited my old friend and former ex-Giant great, Phil McConkey by to drop some serious queer science on you.

Hi everyone! Phil McConkey here. You may best remember me standing on the Giant's bench and waving a towel rooting the team on the field on to victory. That's right, waving a towel. Straight guys waive a towel. Gay guys drop their towels. As a female loving man, I can attest to the fact that Michael Strahan is 100% not homosexual. While I have not been in a locker room or hot tub with him, I would welcome the opportunity.
Cheers, Phil.

Three Straight Men

Can you find three guys straighter then us? Tom Arnold? Come on, you can't see him playing hide the pickle with Doogie Hoswer, can you? I can't. And how about my friend in the jersey? Gay guys don't wear team jerseys. It's a fact. Look it up. You never see the guys from Straight Eye shopping for a cute Buffalo Saber's jersey. It just doesn't happen. Once again, Michael Straightman 1, Fudge Packing Sissy Boys, 0.

New Year, a New Feature

Happy New Year to you all and thanks for stopping by. This year I am introducing Stradar. While we are still in the beta version, I wanted to roll this out as soon as possible. I believe that one of the most convincing ways for me to show you exactly how not gay I am is via Stradar. From time to time, I will input data on a prominent person and Stradar will plot their sexual tendencies on the graph above. Today we are viewing Stradar's report on Terrell Owens. All I had to do was type in a few attributes: likes spandex clothing, narcissistic, drama queen, well fit, well groomed and pow -- he is Jim J. Bullock's best friend! T.O. Gay, Big Baby, not gay!